I was packing some more today. I spent a lot of time and care going through my things, trying to be honest with myself about why I held on to some things. Others, I easily kept without much thought. Others still, I was able to toss because they were no longer useful. I was able to easily put some in a basket or bag, to give away. It’s funny, how as I clear my mind, my attachments to things change. Things I used to cling to now have lost their allure. Formerly, a house full of things and excess and clutter, I now dream of a more serene abode with only necessities, only things I need or love. I do not think it is a coincidence that as we begin to become more one with the divine plan, we also begin to freely lose our attachments. We begin to have faith that what we need will be provided. It is no coincidence that the most free-souls of all give up all attachments, all ego.
I was sorting through my jewelry, carefully selecting only those things I still thought of as beautiful. Easily tossing necklaces that were broken and rings that were tarnished, fake glitter, like fake happiness no longer has appeal to me.
Two of my favorite necklaces were tangled, their dainty gold chains entwined together. The more I struggled and tried to exert my will upon them, the harder the knots became. When I stopped trying to make the necklaces do what I wanted them to, when I stopped trying to pull and tug and force them to untangle, I became frustrated, even angry. When I stopped pulling on them and accepted them as they were, I stopped thinking about how to untangle them, I just followed the one of the dainty chains, I could see now that some of the knots I thought existed were only twists. It was not until I stopped fighting it , stopped trying to force the knots out that I could see the way, a little loosening of my grip, the twists unfurled. When I stopped trying to untangle them my way, they showed me the way, I need only to stop fighting them to see what they showed me.
How often do we struggle to exert our will on life? How often do we fight our circumstances, refusing to see that our way may perhaps not be the right way? How many times do we blindly push forward, trying to exert our will on everything in our path, rather than see sometimes, there is an easier path, if only we stop trying to forcing everything and everyone around us into our way. In the end, when we give up, when we stop fighting, we accept things as they are… a new path suddenly appears, it is a clear path, without struggle. If we hold on to the way we want things to be, we can’t see it, but, when we stop and accept things as they are, we find creative solutions to get what we need, rewarded with abundance only when we work with the gifts we have been giving.
I see this so many times in my life, hind sight is 20/20. When I fight what is, we block our own creativity, we tie up our mental and physical resources trying to exert our will, we exhaust ourselves, we become ill with stress and mental disease. But, when we stop trying to exert our will, when we stop trying to push things and others to do what we think they should be doing, suddenly, things start to flow and we free up our mental and physical energies to be creative, we find a way to work with what we have, our mental resources, our physical resources have not changed, only our will has changed, our sight has changed, we begin to see what is in front of us, what has been there all along. We begin to navigate obstacles without even thinking about it, because the path is clear. We begin to understand how everything is connected, we begin to see how to work with what we have and our lives become better. When I look back at the times in my life that I clung to something, a person, a dream, I can see clearly now that I had pain, anger, hurt or some other form of discomfort or dis-ease. Often, when hear of people reaching rock-bottom and suddenly turning their lives around to do something extraordinary, we attribute it to the will of the person, the human spirit, the tenacity and fight. But, in my life, when I have reached rock bottom, it has only been when I stopped fighting, when I stop trying to exert my will that I see clearly the path. My resources have not changed, my situation has not even changed, only when my mind detaches from the outcome I think should come, I allow myself to see a different way. Many times, this new path does not give me the outcome I had fought so hard for, but it takes me somewhere even better. My life always becomes better when I stop fighting for things to be the way I think they should be.
When I am working on a computer program, sometimes I struggle making the program do what I want it to do. I know I can make it do what I want, I just don’t know how. I fight and try to make it happen my way, I struggle, I get irritated, frustrated even angry. When I stop trying, the solution often comes. When I am completely detached from it, the way reveals itself. I could be in the shower and it just pops in my mind. I could wake from a deep sleep with the solution to my problem. I think to myself, that surely it could not be that easy… but, it is. When I try those random things, those things that my intuition sends me, those gifts, they work. The secret is not doubting the message. I think to myself, wow, that can’t possibly work, that’s too easy, how could I not see that before. But, I try it anyway and it works. The lesson for me has been in learning to let go and trust myself. When I trust my intuition, the answers always come. When I let go of trying to make it happen the way I think it should happen, I make room for the true answer to reveal itself.
Maybe it is not all that simple. But, it works for me, when I meditate, I spend time clearing my mind. I force my mind to rest. I stop the constant internal dialogue. When I do this, I receive gifts. The longer I relax my mind, the more gifts I receive. Maybe I stop meditating and I feel refreshed and a solution to a problem comes. Sometimes, I see my connection to the universe. Sometimes, I simply find the serenity and happiness I have been looking for. When I stop thinking about what should make me happy, I am then able to see, that happiness has been inside me all along.